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01 May 2009

$4.99 Syndrome

There are those that no matter how solid the evidence, no matter how qualified the speaker, will deny any information that does not agree with their notion of how the world works. I call this the $4.99 Syndrome.

Essentially the $4.99 Syndrome is this:

A person insists that a particular item costs $4.99 and refuses to believe that the price is only $2.99. You show them a receipt where you purchased the same item for $2.99. They insist the real cost is $4.99 even though you have a receipt.

You take them to the store where you bought the item and show them the sticker price of the item on the shelf. The sticker price is $2.99. This person will continue to insist that the price of this item is in reality $4.99 and that the tags have been switched.

Next, you find a store manager who verifies that the price is indeed $2.99. This person will insist that the store manager is either a liar or the very person who switched the tags.

You can take this person directly to the manufacturer to inquire as to the suggested retail price. Upon being informed that the suggested retail price is $2.99, the person suffering from $4.99 Syndrome will often shift blame from their own lack of information to a conspiracy designed to conceal the real price of the item.

The sufferer of $4.99 Syndrome will create a vast liberal/sociaist/fascist/communist/brownshirt/pinko/bleedingheart/antichrist/godhating/treehugging/globalwarmingbeliever/satanic/leftwing conspiracy designed to weaken our economy, harm the reputation of the United States as the most benevolent nation on earth, and rip to shreds the very moral fiber of humanity after which we will all die in a blaze of bullets fired by the true blue home grown patriotic defenders of the true vision of the Founding Fathers.

There is no known treatment for $4.99 Syndrome. Some believe that more information, and more reliable information may be a treatment, but case studies have not supported this claim. It seems that more information only exacerbates the effects of the Syndrome and may actually be the very cause of the disorder. Observation of those affected by $4.99 Syndrome continues and data is being collected by numerous official and casual observers who frequently report their findings in blogs and via news agencies. While there is no known cure at this time, those of us who have been spared this debilitating disorder continue to hold out hope.


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