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27 November 2015

Triggers -- Watching the News Can Be Hazardous to Your Recovery

As a survivor of domestic violence, just when I think I have completely recovered, there is a trigger and it all comes back -- the feelings, the fear, the anger, the horror -- all of it, as if it happened only yesterday.  Today's attack on Planned Parenthood by a man with a gun was a trigger. I remembered this with stark, and startling clarity:

He was drunk, again. When wasn't he drunk?  He was trolling Facebook, posting one music video after another. He fancied himself a pop star. Apparently he had also been snooping on my online activities, comments I left here and there, Facebook groups I joined. I tried to be careful, but when you are active on any social media site, nothing is hidden or secret. 

He noticed I commented on a feminist page. I can't even remember the page or my comment now, but my comment set him off.

He came out of his seat in front of the computer and charged at me as I sat on the sofa watching television. He lunged at me and grabbed me around the throat as  he shoved me back against the sofa choking me. 

"How empowered do you feel now, bitch! Feel like a powerful woman now, motherfucker? You and your little feminist bitches!"  

He choked me and I clawed at his hands. Just when I started to pass out, he released me. He always lessened his grip on my throat when he realized I was going out. 

I feel very lucky to be alive. 

But to answer your question, Mr. Monster. Yes. I do feel empowered now, bitch. I feel like a powerful woman. Me and my feminist bitches put you in your place.


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